Coitus Interruptus

December, 1999 I was working in a now defunct restaurant in downtown Minneapolis. The chef and the owner decided to pull out all the stops for the New Year's Eve celebration, Prix Fixe Menu complete with an additional carving station of whole roast goose and suckling pig. The pigs came in three days before the big night and sat in our meat cooler awaiting their big date with the rotisserie. the day before, or New Year's Eve Eve, the Sous Chef and I were doing the orders for the next day and heading into the meat walk in to triple check our meat supplies. We opened up the door and there was our chef. He had one of the pigs standing up on all fours on the shelf in front of him, his apron thrown over his shoulders, and his pants around his ankles thrusting wildly. He cast a wild-eyed look at us over his shoulder and without losing his rhythm for a second screamed: "Don't Look At Me, I'm Hideous!"